Where to Begin?

I don't usually put my life on display. It's messy. I suppose in this day and age, most lives are. I'm not here to commiserate, though. Nor am I here to "clean up this mess". I've exiled a large number of people from my life over the last four decades. I've had my reasons in each and every case: betrayal, fear, crossed boundaries, protecting them, protecting ME. Some have made the trip back into my good (ahem) graces, and I into theirs, but many have not. I suppose my primary motivation for starting this blog, aside from getting back in the habit of writing on a regular basis, is to catalogue my life - to create a user's guide for those who find their way back. A "Jumping off the Cliffs" Notes, I guess you could call it?

My entire family is among the exiled. If I never find a way to rebuild that bridge in my lifetime, I want to leave SOMETHING behind to let them know that I was okay in the end. That things worked out. That even though I pushed them all away, I never stopped loving them. All of the uncomfortable, hurtful pieces fell away, and I was left with a strong and peaceful affection for my early life. It gave me all of the tools I have needed to navigate the twisted, broken path my life has taken since then. My family is largely responsible for those tools. "If they were so wonderful, why push them away?", you might be asking yourselves. I remind you, for purposes of illustration, that the most effective tools are forged in fire, hammered into shape, and tempered into hardness. When the tools are made, you have to leave the elements of their making behind, take them out into the world, and see what you can build with them. I have been forced to use those tools in very unconventional ways. I don't wish to offend their makers, nor do I wish to be told that "that's not what those are for". This particular exile is in the best interest of all parties concerned. Trust me.

Perhaps someday, when my "project" is complete, I'll make the trip back to the factory, as it were. Until then, the only olive branch I can offer in good conscience is a promissory one - the promise to document my life as well and as openly as I can, in the hope that that documentation will find its way to the right people at the right time. Also, I might be able to enlighten and entertain a few others along the way.

Feel free to comment or criticise if anything moves or offends you. I realise that everyone has an opinion on these things. If you hurt my feelings, I might bite back, but I'll get over it. I suggest you do the same. It's just a blog, you know.

Peace.